Making New Girlfriends As An Adult

So you've moved, you're in a new place and everything is different. For a while you stay busy getting the house in order, getting kids settled in their new school, and maybe you've even started a new job. But at some point, you start to miss your girlfriends. You miss your Tuesday lunch dates and just being able to drop by to catch up. It feels like you've lost your safety net, and in all reality you did.

We know what we would tell our kids when it comes to making new friends. "Don't be shy, introduce yourself, invite kids over, go to school activities"....the list goes on.  But what do you do when you're an adult ? We can't go to the high school football game and hope to run into some people, oh no we are middle aged woman who's highlight of the night is probably a trip to Target and buying a new sweatshirt.  So we gotta make a real effort to meet people. 

It's actually more of a shock to the system than you think to suddenly be without the ones you are used to having around.  Women need their girlfriends.  Meeting new people is out of my comfort zone, but then one day you may find yourself talking to the cashier at Swig for 20 minutes about what you're making for dinner and think to yourself maybe you need to get out more.  

Every day for weeks when I dropped my daughter off at her new school , I encouraged her to make new friends, told her how amazing she is and how lucky these kids will be to know her. "Remember who you are, be a good example, I love you....."  Oh yes I yelled it every day as she got out of the car in hope it will make her smile.  It broke my heart to see her miss her old friends and try every day to make new ones.  I knew what she was feeling and I couldn't fix it.  It wasn't easy but she was going for it , so I had to try myself.   

Now if you think clicks at school are hard to break into, try being in a small community of women who have clearly been life long friends. It starts to feel like 10th grage and you just want to be invited to sit at their table. "On Wednesday's we wear pink." > Mean Girls Thankfully some woman have that natural ability to reach out and include the new girl.  

So where do you find a group of 30 to 40 year old women to hang out with?  Costco seems like a happenin place.  Maybe somewhere between the produce and the large box of brownie mix I can stir up a conversation.  I was ready to post in the local Facebook community page. " Looking for group of middle age women to hang out with. Requirements, no partiers, but aren't boring,  are not crazy but fun and adventurous,  like to jog but not marathon speed, dinner and movie are great but I'm in bed by 9.... Anyone interested please comment below." 

My husband didn't know what to do with me, I sulked for weeks. He was great about spending time with me, going on hikes and exploring our new town, but you could watch his eyes roll back in his head when I started to talk about things that only the gals would think is funny.  Like the unexpected breast exam during a routine doctor visit for prescription refills.  Still not sure that was necessary.  And he didn't think shopping and going out for my favorite soda mix was fun at all.  I needed girlfriends.  

So here are a few tips that I have either gathered or tried myself. 

1. Put yourself out there.  Be willing to say "Im new" and introduce yourself.  Chances are there's someone in that crowd that's new too.  Not everyone you meet will "click" that's ok. You will find your people.  And don't let age be a factor. 

2. Find a group with similar interests.  Social media  has several meet up groups for outdoor adventures, senior groups, play groups etc.  Just put a search for your town in Facebook or the web and it should pop up.  Or create a group and start inviting others.  There's even an app for it. 

3. Church. Whatever denomination it is, its a large group of people gathering. This increases your chances quite a bit.  But don't expect everyone to jump to introduce themselves.  Again it's 50% you speaking up.

4. The Gym! Well of course I'd mention the gym, being a fitness instructor is my job.  When I moved here I din't automatically have a bunch of classes to teach so I attended as many classes I could.  A rare treat for me.  But that is where I met some of my closest friends that I have now.  Common interest. 

5. Your kids friends parents.  You're new so if your kid is going to someones house to hang out, of course you are meeting the mom right? This could be an opportunity.  Or at the very least you find out the mom is crazy and you've saved your child from future visits.  (true story) Or its an opportunity to chat it up and your kids are the perfect common ground. 

6. Invite gals to lunch and pedicure. You don't need to be best friends to have a great time.  Laughter really is the best medicine and certainly curbs the lonely days. 

7. Volunteer.  If you find yourself with extra time on your hands, find somewhere to volunteer.  Even just one day a week. 

8. Work friends are easier to make, you see them the most. Just be careful it doesn't interfere with work.  

9. Dog parks. Take Fido for an outing and start up a conversation.  I have to believe that most people are not stalkers and murderers on the side and it's ok to meet a friendly face.   You can run their license plates later if you want. 

10. Host a game night.  Get the significant others involved.  While I know my husband may say he doesn't need friends like somehow its not manly, he had a great time getting out.  

And if all else fails just post on social media that you're ready to join that latest MLM group and you will have 1.552 instant new friends. They will message you every day, call you, take you to lunch all for the price of $$$ (Sarcasm intended)

I get it, friend dating for some of us can be so far out of our comfort zone.  I wanted to stay on my patio couch, cry into the pillows for eternity and assume my dogs would be my only friends.  But then something changed.  It just took that one person to invite me over for lunch. And then we kept adding women to the group.  The great thing is, you're only new once and then you get to be that person that sees the new girl and you will know exactly what to do.  

Remember when you move, especially a big move to a new town, that it takes about a year to feel like its home.  It's ok to miss your friends, close friends will always find a way to connect.  I've moved over 25 times in my lifetime, so I feel like I can give some advice on the topic.  But if you have anything to add, I'd love to hear it.  

On a side note, this doesn't have to just apply to being new in town. All great tips for making friends period.  There are too many women struggling with depression and feelings of loneliness. Please reach out, join in, we can make the difference.  Go team sisterhood. 

Chronic Illness: Top 12 Tips For Staying Active

I'm 45 and was diagnosed with Intermittent Remission MS in 2012.  Being a fitness instructor and a having chronic condition has had its challenges.  I've learned a few tips over the years but honestly my days don't always go that smooth. There are days when I start off with a whole list of things to do but only get two of them done. And days where I only have energy for a 30 min workout, get my kid to school and crawl back into bed. So where is the balance? There is no magic formula because a chronic illness can change day to day and you have to adapt. The good news is, we are woman and we are resilient! We are going to help each other. 

A chronic disease is one lasting 3 months or more, by the definition of the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics. Chronic diseases generally cannot be prevented by vaccines or cured by medication, nor do they just disappear. * Examples of chronic illnesses are,

• Alzheimer disease and dementia
• Arthritis
• Asthma
• Cancer
• COPD
• Crohn disease
• Cystic fibrosis
• Diabetes
• Epilepsy
• Heart Disease
• HIV/AIDS
• Mood disorders (bipolar, cyclothymic, and depression)
• Multiple sclerosis
• Parkinson disease

There have been several common factors when it comes to the challenges of balancing fitness and managing a chronic condition. Fatigue, lack of motivation, feeling self conscious, low immune, relapses, pain, lack of outside support, and time, are just a few of them. I'm here to remind you, you are not alone! I get it. So let's think about the opposite of all those reasons and see if we can't find a better way. 

I am not a doctor, these are tips I have learned through life experience and personal challenges. My goal is to help motivate others to find a way to just keep moving and feel motivated.

Here are my top 12 tips for managing fitness and life with a chronic condition. As a side note you will find that these tips can apply to anyone!  

1. Always see a Dr. first for a proper diagnosis and get approval for any new fitness routine. 

2. Train with professionals. If you are working with a personal trainer, seek out one that has experience with chronic conditions. It's ok to be picky. Please let your trainer or instructor know ahead of class of any condition. That way modifications can be made if needed. I always appreciate the heads up before class starts. 

3. Any time of day is a good time to workout. Totally up to you. When it comes to fatigue I have tried everything under the sun to combat the brain fog. I try not to do a lot of caffeine, and make sure to talk to your Dr about any supplements. But here's the real truth. I know I'm going to have to just work through the fatigue. If I wait for a full round of energy to suddenly appear I would never make it to the gym. The great thing is I always feel energized when I leave and so grateful I pushed through the 10 minute struggle from the house to the car. 

4. Have FUN. Whatever your fitness regimen is, make it fun. It may include workouts from home, personal trainer, group classes, running, walking, taking a friend to class, dancing in the grocery store (ugh mom really again?) Having fun will keep you motivated. My friend Brooke Petersen says she's stays motivated working out with a friend especially on the "bad" days.  Those are the days when symptoms are more noticeable. So grab a buddy, involve the kids, or find a local group. 

5. This is not an all or nothing plan. Do what you can do. 10 min a day? 2 days a week? There is no wrong answer here. I try to do something active 5-6 days a week. But if I need a day to stay in my pj's and watch Netflix all day, I take it with no guilt. 

6.  When in doubt take the jump out. No need to be a star olympic athlete to join in. Everyone's beginning looks different and there is no body that works the same way. So it reasonable to modify exercises according to your body and energy.   

7. Workout to "feel" good, it's not all about the perfect body. Once I let go of an unrealistic body image and really focused on the healthy feeling I wanted to leave with, my whole outlook changed. If I can step out of a class with a smile on my face and feeling energized, then its been a good workout. 

8.  You're doing better than you think you are. This goes for all you ladies! Don't let that discouraging voice creep in. What's my motto? How much you weigh has nothing to do with how good a mom, wife or friend you are. Fitness is a journey, not a destination at the end of hardest hill you had to climb. Enjoy the even the smallest of accomplishments. There is time and season for all things. My kids are older, and I'm needed less at home so I have more time to be at the gym. If your energy is needed more at home with your little ones, that is the best use of your time and energy. 

"Many, many people struggle with chronic illness. I've come to realize that I'm not alone in this struggle and that everyone is carrying a burden. We can only do what we can do and God makes up the rest. Every time I reach my physical limit, God steps in carries the rest of the load." -Kim Taffti

9. H20! "Stay hydrated and fuel your body with appropriate foods. Moderation in all things." -Kelsey Steed. 

Keep that water close by and eat as clean as you can. But don't deprive yourself. I love a good Coke Zero, and a pink frosted sugar cookie now and then. Most the time I simply listen to what my body needs and not follow any specific diet.  In general chronic condition symptoms like brain fog do better with clean eating. 

10. Look into other specialists. Find a Physical Therapist that specializes or has experience in chronic conditions. PT doesn't just have to be for injuries. Managing pain with massage therapy, chiropractor and pain specialists are all good additional resources. 

11. Take it outside the gym. Nothing like a hike or a bike ride to get heart rate up and breathe in some fresh air. 

12. Get a pet. I'm pretty attached to my fur babies. This won't be for everyone but for me having my two dogs has been an emotional support. When I was first diagnosed I didn't want to be alone and I was home resting a lot. We found the perfect little yorkie poo and brought him home. Without even realizing it I ended up training my dog to be an emotional support dog, because he has been with me since the beginning of my MS. He knows when to comfort me, detect when I'm tired, sense my bad days and curl up to me when I get too cold. 

I would love to hear any additional tips you have found work for you.  Even if you have already commented on my social media, add it here for everyone. There is power and comfort in numbers.  

Now the big news. I will be offering 4 week training sessions for clients with chronic conditions . If you would like to be a part of this group please email me at tamra@livelifegrateful.com for details. 

Podcast on being a mom with a chronic condition can be found at https://anchor.fm/salt-lake-moms

Source
*www.medlineplus.gov

My Top 12 Tips For Being Married Happily Ever After

I am 90% happily married, because let's be real no one is a 100% happy in their marriage.  Even if they do post a picture with a heart around it, claiming they've never fought. Not only have I been married for 25 years, I've know my husband for 30 years. We met when I was just 15 years old. We were best friends, not even dating until one day he woke up and realized I was crazy about him. By then I was 20 years old and ready for him to dump his current girlfriend and propose to me.  The rest is history and we were married July 15th, 1994.
Sounds like a picture perfect relationship right? It had all the right fairytale details but the truth was, I had no idea how to be a wife. I was raised in a very dysfunctional home with a lot of yelling, door slamming and verbal abuse. Somehow I thought getting married myself would mean I could start fresh and make my own relationship a fairytale.  But that was not the picture perfect story that unfolded. My Prince charming had flaws and I was no princess.

I have created a list of tips. The best of what I have learned over the years. What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you.  You don't even have to agree with it.  And in another 10 years I'm sure I'll add more to it.

1.  Don't try to fix each other.  I knew what I was getting into when we got married.  It was no surprise what our personalities were like. I was once told to pick the top 10 things that drive me nuts about him and then let them go. Not to say that we haven't grown together and improved on the things we've needed to work on. But I see no sense in wasting energy on the small stuff.  Do I hate that the clothes never make into a laundry basket? Of course! But his clothes are on my floor.  He comes home every night to me because he worked all day for our family.  Take a deep breath and let it go. 

2. I believe in going to bed angry.  Most of the time you are just tired and worn out from a long day.  Staying up all night to fight and figure it all out may get you nowhere.  Chances are when you wake up it won't seem nearly as bad. If it does, you can think more clearly to resolve it together.  And if all else fails, take your shirt off.  That's right ladies I went there.  No man can even think straight let alone focus enough to even remember why he was mad if he's staring at you topless. Nine times out of ten that fight will be over. (Obviously no children are around) ha ha.  It's advice I've now given to my married daughter. 

3. Freedom is important. I am so thankful to have a husband that has never put requirements on my time. I've always been able to go out with friends, have girls weekend, or time to myself.  Even when the girls were little, we found a way.  I was home all day being a wife and mom and those free times were important.  In return I tried to make being at home a place he could relax and have his own time. 

4. Listen to each other.  Communication is key. We are both hot-headed people. Sometimes I can hang on to my pride for a very long time. Which means I will have the last word! Not a good moment for me. But then something happened that changed my view. I got a lifelong illness, it made me too tired to argue. So I began to listen, and realized that's all he needed in the first place.  Men are simple. I'm not saying that in a mean way, but they are not hard to figure out.  Sex, food, and sleep are the three things to keep them happy.  If lacking in one, you'll know it.  Women on the other hand, get all touchy feely and have emotional needs. I can stop talking for days if I don't feel like I'm getting any attention.  Like I'm waiting for him to read my mind and figure it out. A simple conversation would have done the trick. "Hey could we go for a walk...."

5. Being respectful in private and in public. I was raised without this concept and it took me longer than it should to practice it. What you say about your spouse in front of children especially, sticks with them. Saying anything disrespectful in public is meant to demean, embarrass and has no place in a marriage. Kindness matters and is the only way to stay in love, and not just for the health insurance.

6.  The two of you come first. Yes the kids are the top of the list and they are the light of your life, but when they come first too often, your marriage will start lacking the oxygen it needs to stay alive.  Another lesson I learned that hard way.  Don't make yourself so busy that you become the last thing of each other's lists.

7. To the women reading this. Be kind to yourself.  In 25 years of marriage I have gone up and down with weight, depression, and anxiety.  I worried too often that my husband wouldn't love me as much if I didn't look a certain way.  It was years before I believed that what he loved was me being a confident strong woman, a loving mom to our girls, and seeing me do my best. That includes being loving to him. But I also believe we can make being at home all day an excuse to let ourselves go. Maybe not everyday but make that extra effort to put yourself together. Caring about yourself is sexy.

8.  Laugh often! Flirt even more.  Before kids, we could stay up all night talking and then sleep until noon.  Having kids made those talks a happen little earlier and less often, but we have remained the best of friends. We can laugh until we cry. Our kids think we are nuts. After knowing each other so long there are things that no one else even thinks is funny but I crack up.  Our children make us laugh, one of our favorite things to do is turn off the TV and just laugh and talk with our girls. And flirt, yes flirt. Don't ever lose that.  It will embarrass your kids as they grow up and catch on, but its healthy. We are not big on PDA but somehow we haven't lost the art of flirting. I would rather have my kids remember their parents being "gross" than not showing any affection.

9. Be selfless in all you do. Jump at the chance to serve each other without expecting anything in return.  When we got married, I whispered "Don't forget the little things." I wanted to always do the small things that made each other happy. When he brings me home a drink or scrapes off my windshield, that is love. 

10. Support each others dreams.  It may mean taking turns at different points of your life but just like you want everything for your children, so should you want that for your spouse.  Do everything in your power to keep that creativity and dream alive. It may be a hobby or career but go down that road together.

11. Be ok with making mistakes. You will make them, in marriage, and in parenting. How we handle it is what's really important. Sincerely apologize and figure out how to do better next time and move on. Even with my teenagers I whole heartily admit I do not know everything about parenting and ask for patience as I figure it out. Holding on to grudges effects you personally and damages the strongest of relationships. Not all situations can be resolved that easily but when the situation allows, forgive and hug it out. 

12. Hold tight to your faith in God.  This may not be for everyone but it is for our home and marriage. Our belief in God has carried us through every mountain of trials and made the happy moments even more special. Being married to a man that shows his faith in God has given me the strength to move forward many times when I just didn't have it in me.  I knew at the age of 21 when we were married that our faith would be the binding glue to keep us together. It gives us purpose, hope, guidance, and so much more. 

No, marriage is not a fairytale. It takes time, learning from mistakes, and a lot work. But with all that comes all the beautiful moments, memories, and children. It's been worth every moment. The best part is, there will be a Happily Ever After.  Just minus the castle.

How to Be An Adult on Social Media

Do we really need a seminar on how to be an adult on social media? What happened to accepting responsibility for your actions and just fixing it? Im stunned that I see so many personal agendas being addressed over a social media platform. You could just go directly to the person you have an issue with and work it out. If your neighbors dog barks too much, go talk to your neighbor. Chances are your neighbor will see the post, will then comment and be embarrassed that you've already made it public. Now you have two problems. I remember a time when making a personal phone call, writing a letter or a simple face to face chat was a much more adult way to solve a problem. Do I have to say "back in the day?"

Let's talk about sharing personal information. Give me eight minutes, Ill do a Ted Talk on things NOT to post.  Employers, parents, and schools you are applying to, ....are all looking at your social media. Posting about your medication, fights you had and using bad language is not going to look well. If I was choosing between two candidates for a job, you bet I'd pick the one that has a stable social media. As far as medical goes, it is a personal decision when sharing info on medical conditions. Posting about medical conditions for support and education can be a great way to raise funds and awareness. It can also be very therapeutic.  Just make sure you are never sharing someone else's info without their permission.

So let's be clear. Your Social Media personal page is awesome for keeping memories, staying connected to family and friends, and even opinions when done in a responsible manor.  Social media for business is fantastic for generating new leads and growing your revenue.

True fact, when my daughter asks to go on a date and I don't know this person well, I look at their social media. It's amazing what teens will post. And if they have foul language, violent art, inappropriate attire, etc the answer is NO.  What makes you think you will date my daughter? Teach your kids at an early age the responsibility of information sharing on social media. And yes I have access to all my kids accounts.

Women tend to create drama where there doesn't need to be any. If it wasn't for my business I'm not sure I'd be on social media at all. I've loved it for keeping track of pictures, its kind of a journal for me. I am not scrapbooker! So when pointless drama sneaks in, I just want to shake the person creating the drama and say "hey you are better than that!"  We often talk about being real, lifting women up, and being a support system. Then do that!, how genuine you are matters. Not to mention you could really cause someone emotional trauma. Be kind always.  Maybe I can clear up a few areas that create the drama in the first place.

You have the "Attention Seekers", the "I'm having a really bad day".... but don't tell you what is wrong.  50 people then proceed to send emojis of happy crying faces. If you had a bad day at work, say that.  Getting support from others who can relate could be really helpful. Just don't be too vague about it. There's a difference between wanting the attention from everyone asking "whats wrong?" to letting friends know your day was terrible and could use some support.

You have the "perfect life" sharers....No ones life is perfect, give me something real besides your perfect vacations, relationships and over the top parenting. People want relatable, not unreachable. We try so hard not to compare, but we do it anyway.  Now I do have friends that use their face book just to keep up with family memories, and then go on to make photo albums out of it. Thats a great idea. But I'm talking about the over compensating comments, with a  heart around the anniversary pic and telling me you've never had a fight in 15 years.

Next comes the "opinion moderators"  They want your opinion, but only if its inline with what they are preaching.  Be careful you may find your comment deleted entirely.  You are missing a growth opportunity if you don't look at all sides.  I find myself commenting less and less on pages I know have a tendency to delete and control opinions.

The "home business multi marketers"  I love supporting small businesses but be upfront about it.  I've gotten personal messages asking about my family and commenting on family vacations only to end with "I have a video for you to watch, no obligation but I need 10 people."  Really? I don't have time for it.  If you want me to review a product, just be direct in your intentions.

And last but not least, The "offended" Yes you've been offended, maybe not even on social media but you are going to call them out publicly.  I do not want to know what you ex husband said to you,  the family argument word for word or that your sister slept with your husband and "haha" to them you posted it public. Airing dirty laundry on social media is never a good idea, it doesn't look good for you. And lacks maturity.  You may have been truly been hurt, but no one knows the real circumstances and public shaming can really do harm.

In all these situations it is easily solved by getting back to being personable and responsible. Ask yourself what your agenda is first. Could it be solved by reaching out? Is the information too personal? Would I want a future employer, school or family to see it? Does it enrich my life, or someone else's?  Is my post a hidden agenda meant for someone to read between the lines? And the last question to ask yourself, could it ever be used legally against you? My husband is an attorney, believe me your social media can be used for evidence.

As social media grows in popularity and it doesn't seem to be going away, choose wisely what your content is. It's an amazing tool for business, a remarkable way to stay in touch with family and friends, and building communication across the globe. Just keep the drama out of it.


*Its almost funny that I will have to add, these are only my opinions....

The New Normal

In the midst of feeling my own stress of moving,  I got to spend time with my super amazing brave friend that is warrioring through cancer, give hope and extra love to a mom who struggles with her teens, teach a class to my awesome Vasa crew and laugh a lot with good friends. Today was a good day which brings me to....How I decided to have a good day:)🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

Anyone ever listen to @thealisonshow podcast? I often do on my long drives. And she got me to thinking about my "new normal."  Yes it sucks right now but this is my life. And my new normal.  It's so crazy, I just have to laugh. Am I living in my moms basement with my hubby, 2 teens and a couple dogs? Heck ya I am. But I am blessed to take this little break, get our bearings back and start fresh. So instead of feeling the same way about things I cannot change,  I chose to accept it for what it is and what a great day it ended up being. The pressure of fixing everything right now was gone. So on to my next and final point....
🌵🌵🌵🌵🌵🌵🌵🌵🌵

Mental health is so important, just as important as physical health. Exercise isnt always about the weight loss, it rarely is for me these days. I do it for my mental well being. My anxiety is lower,  my MS is staying under control way more often and I sleep better. Did you know 3 of my 4 teen daughters has had severe depression? It's a topic close to my heart and  one I dont talk about a lot. One day, with their permission, I will tell you you their journey. But what I can say is that staying active is soooo important.  Added into everything else I did for them therapy etc, I made sure they kept up with dance, cheer, choir whatever it was,  it was their outlet.  And I made it a top priority. I didn't make them go,  but I never used their outlet as something to take away for punishment. Cell phone, car, going out with friends...absolutely. But not the one thing they could channel their anxiety to. For me, I go to the gym.

Now if you got through all this, I am grateful to you. I know it's not easy and a new normal can seem lonely. But you are not alone, we just need to speak up so others can reach out.

The "Best Mom Ever"

Are you one of those women that has the Mother's Day Blues? Is it a day you find difficult to celebrate? Me too! It seems like a lot of pressure to be the "best mom." Maybe you're having a hard time conceiving, maybe you've had miscarriages, or maybe like me, you feel like you have fallen short as a mom and so it is hard to do the traditional Mother's Day.  

Years ago I decided in an effort to help my children celebrate Mother's Day, I would figure out a way that would help my girls enjoy the day instead of watching me resent it. Because I do love being a mom. So the Mothers Day Staycation was born. Every year we go out of town (Like 25 miles away, haha) just me and my girls. That way I am not sitting in my bed in my best mom PJ look, wondering what to do with the potted plant my kid made me in school. I am out laughing, sitting in a hot tub, going to dinner, and shopping until we drop. Though I feel like I have not always been the best mom, I have loved them every second of every day. 

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. But the one of the things my Dad was really good at, was celebrating Mother's Day. I loved Mother's Day as a kid. I loved getting all the siblings together and doing all the traditional stuff for my Mom. And when my Dad was not in town my older sister did all the work and we were so proud. To see my Mom's face light up bringing her breakfast was all the thanks we needed. 

But with my own family it's been hard. I've had four total miscarriages and four live births, I've been pregnant eight times. The first couple were exceptionally difficult. I remember after the loss, wearing form fitting dresses to work so everyone would figure it out, and I wouldn't have to explain it. I wanted to be a mom so badly and so Mother's Day was generally spent in tears. Flowers were being handed out in church as I watched moms holding their brand new babies. I began to avoid Mother's Day all together. Years later  my struggle with depression and anxiety, mixed with my feelings of inadequacy as a mother hasn't made it it any easier. I find it hard to go to church on Mother's Day and listen to all the wonderful stories about being this perfect Mom.  I just feel like I'll never live up to it. I know that's not what it's meant to do but I would love just one sermon on keeping it real! 

I want my girls to know motherhood is one of the greatest blessings even on the days I forgot to feed my toddler lunch because I had morning sickness with my second pregnancy. Or that time I forgot my 6 month old in the car for 20 minutes while I shopped for her in Old Navy. (True story). My Mother's Day may not be the typical get up in the morning with breakfast in bed but I like my version. And even though my girls are getting older and moving out, I have already warned them that every year around Mother's Day it will be a girls weekend!

 

Find a tradition that works for you. Celebrate your own mother, celebrate the women who have influenced your life. I didn't raise my girls on my own, it's taken a small village of family, friends, adopted Grandmas, and mentors to get us here.  So Happy Mothers Day, you're doing the best you can. Truth be told I like the potted plant, handprint painted wreath and the popsicle frame. But from my hotel bed. 

Getting Honest With Your Food

I didn't want to write this post because then I would have to admit I've been lying to myself a little at a time for years. But it's time to get honest, honest about the food I'm putting into my body.  I tell myself that if I workout more, I can cheat more on food and then still expect to lose weight.  It doesn't work that way.  Only 20% of weight loss is working out, the other 80% is what you eat! I'm not one to count my macros, it works great for many but I don't have the time or the brain power to keep track of it.  However I eat mostly healthy. Anyone on that diet?  (laugh) The Mostly healthy eating plan?  Then I blame my fluctuating weight gain on water retention, medication, or "it must have been the dairy." Those excuses don't get us very far.

The word HONEST keeps popping up in my news feed. Nothing like a good dose of guilt to make you rethink your eating habits. I ordered a hamburger at a restaurant and then thought "I'm lying to myself!" Usually the dialogue in my head rationalizes how much I worked out that day so I can fudge a little on calories. I can eat this big hamburger because I will do more at the gym the next day.  I changed it to a bunless hamburger, no fries. Suddenly I'm relieved that I didn't lie to my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you will follow a food plan a 100% every day. I'm honest about treats too. I'm going to have 2 cookies, but for real only 2 cookies. Then add in the water factor and ask yourself are you really drinking enough water? It comes down to this, changing eating habits takes time. It's not an overnight transformation. But part of that process is taking responsibility for your eating and exercise goals.  

Here are a few tips that have helped me.

When starting a new eating plan, get a support group. Be accountable to someone. I'm in a couple of groups. Just because I teach fitness classes doesn't mean it comes easy.  I have a couple of inspiring people I follow on Instagram.  They have to be motivating, real and good common sense. 

Meal prep if you can.  I have a small fridge and not a lot of space,  its not always easy for me to meal prep but my instapot has become a lifesaver for quick healthy meals. Take snacks with you. If you  are going to be out more than 2 hrs, pack a snack. We all have very busy schedules. Carpooling, running errands, work, and so much more. So instead of stopping at that fast food drive through, just pack a small lunch box and be prepared.  

Don't fall for the latest and greatest fad diet. The simple truth is you need "real food".  If you can't decode the ingredients, then pass on it. Make sure you are eating the right calories for you and your lifestyle. I started tracking my vegetables and protein again because I wasn't eating enough protein to sustain my workouts.

As far as the "right" workout goes, find a workout plan that motivates you. I'm not a runner, I'm bored at mile 2! I've tried, then I go get my bike. The winter gets tough for me so I do more workouts from home if I'm not teaching fitness classes that day. Are you someone who likes working out with a friend, or is it your me time? Just remember 2-3 days a week of strength training and 4-5 days of cardio.  Because at the end of a workout I'm not looking in a mirror to see how good I look, I'm asking myself how I felt after my workout.  Honesty works with this too. Did I really put in the effort I wanted to? I can't expect change if I'm not putting in the honest work. 

Having said all that, do not beat yourself up for imperfection!  It's what makes us relatable and real.  Nothing I said in this post is pressure to look like someone that came out of a magazine. It has everything to do with living a long, healthy, happy life. We all have this amazing ability to take care of others, its in our nature, but we have got to take better care of ourselves. Give yourself permission.