Thursday, May 10, 2018

The "Best Mom Ever"

Are you one of those women that has the Mother's Day Blues? Is it a day you find difficult to celebrate? Me too! It seems like a lot of pressure to be the "best mom." Maybe you're having a hard time conceiving, maybe you've had miscarriages, or maybe like me, you feel like you have fallen short as a mom and so it is hard to do the traditional Mother's Day.  

Years ago I decided in an effort to help my children celebrate Mother's Day, I would figure out a way that would help my girls enjoy the day instead of watching me resent it. Because I do love being a mom. So the Mothers Day Staycation was born. Every year we go out of town (Like 25 miles away, haha) just me and my girls. That way I am not sitting in my bed in my best mom PJ look, wondering what to do with the potted plant my kid made me in school. I am out laughing, sitting in a hot tub, going to dinner, and shopping until we drop. Though I feel like I have not always been the best mom, I have loved them every second of every day. 

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. But the one of the things my Dad was really good at, was celebrating Mother's Day. I loved Mother's Day as a kid. I loved getting all the siblings together and doing all the traditional stuff for my Mom. And when my Dad was not in town my older sister did all the work and we were so proud. To see my Mom's face light up bringing her breakfast was all the thanks we needed. 

But with my own family it's been hard. I've had four total miscarriages and four live births, I've been pregnant eight times. The first couple were exceptionally difficult. I remember after the loss, wearing form fitting dresses to work so everyone would figure it out, and I wouldn't have to explain it. I wanted to be a mom so badly and so Mother's Day was generally spent in tears. Flowers were being handed out in church as I watched moms holding their brand new babies. I began to avoid Mother's Day all together. Years later  my struggle with depression and anxiety, mixed with my feelings of inadequacy as a mother hasn't made it it any easier. I find it hard to go to church on Mother's Day and listen to all the wonderful stories about being this perfect Mom.  I just feel like I'll never live up to it. I know that's not what it's meant to do but I would love just one sermon on keeping it real! 

I want my girls to know motherhood is one of the greatest blessings even on the days I forgot to feed my toddler lunch because I had morning sickness with my second pregnancy. Or that time I forgot my 6 month old in the car for 20 minutes while I shopped for her in Old Navy. (True story). My Mother's Day may not be the typical get up in the morning with breakfast in bed but I like my version. And even though my girls are getting older and moving out, I have already warned them that every year around Mother's Day it will be a girls weekend!
 
Find a tradition that works for you. Celebrate your own mother, celebrate the women who have influenced your life. I didn't raise my girls on my own, it's taken a small village of family, friends, adopted Grandmas, and mentors to get us here.  So Happy Mothers Day, you're doing the best you can. Truth be told I like the potted plant, handprint painted wreath and the popsicle frame. But from my hotel bed.