It won't be long before my girls are all grown up and Im in the group of empty nesters. I raised a gymnast, a cheerleader, dancer, writer, artist, soccer player, skater and a rock climber. But I didn't just raise a talent, we raised daughters with integrity and values. It wasn't without sacrifice. I often see questions on social media asking for advice about putting their child in a competitive sport. Will it be hard?, is it expensive?, is it a lot of time?, will the other siblings get jealous?, is there a lot of drama?, is it worth it? The answer to all those questions is a resounding YES.
I think about the 12 hour dance dance days, waiting in the car for 5 hour practices, soccer camps, team competitions and a million other things we did for our girls. There we tears about early morning practices, girl drama, coach drama not to mention the mama drama. We paid out enough in team fees to pay for a vacation home in the Bahamas. We sacrificed vacations, new cars, and sometimes broke the budget to make sure they had every opportunity they had worked for. We question all the time if we were doing it "the right way", Did we push too hard? or not enough?There were injuries serious enough to question the future of when to call it quits. I could tell you stories about dance teacher antics, and mean girl stunts that would make your stomach turn. Team sports is not for the faint of heart. You do it for the love of what you do and focus on that. There is rejection, being told you're not good enough and that your hair is just not the right color for a part. True story. So why did we keep going? Because their passion was their dream and you could see it every time they stepped out onto the stage or the field.
It wasn't about the money spent, it was about the values they learned. There were so many times I wanted to stomp in and tell a coach my opinions. I wanted to yell about the favoritism, the unrealistic expectations of a 30 hours practice week or the mean girls that were relentless. But I didn't. Most of the time my girls took on the responsibility to work it out themselves. A quality in youth that is hard to teach these days when its so easier to deal with problems on a device and not face to face. As hard as it was to let them handle it on their own, it taught them to take responsibility.They learned time management, goal setting, personal responsibility, working as a team, fighting for dreams and making new ones. They learned to always get back up, that getting knocked down was not a bad thing, it was a challenge to do better the next time. Rejection was bound to happen, don't take it personal, and try again. I used to try to make excuses when one of my daughters didn't get a part or make an audition. Till I noticed I was way more upset then they were. They had learned the art of learning from rejection. A lesson they taught me.
The best thing about helping my girls do what they love was the joy in the journey. That's right don't forget to have fun. Its not always about the win. Sure it feels great to be the best of the best, but the journey will be lost if the focus is always on the end goal.
I had big plans when I saw the talent in each of my girls. I could see it as it all played out in my mind. College cheer, professional dancer, published writer, high school soccer .....but it didn't at all happen the way I had imagined. At first I felt like I had let them down somewhere, maybe I didn't help them see the big picture enough but Ive come to realize I just didn't stand back far enough.
Today I watched my 17 year old daughter as she ran into a previous dance teacher. He asked what she was up to these days. My first instinct was a bit of sadness because she's not dancing as much as she did and I have mourned the loss of what I thought her future might look like. Until she told me what her answer was. "I moved on", she told him. She proceeded to go on about graduating high school early, plans for college and after 14 years of dancing her heart out, she is now a teacher herself. Somewhere along the way I got caught up in the fame of it. Thinking we had to be signed with the top talent agency, goals to audition in LA, meet all the right people and be in all the right places. But today, I stood back a little further, and to my great joy I see a girl about to be a woman and a mentor herself. She can do whatever she wants to, reach for as many stars as she can and is sharing her talent. I couldn't be more proud.
My cheerleader, now 21, she did continue to cheer in college. She's married now and one of top art students in her class. That 12 year old little girl that couldn't get her homework from her desk to her backpack, has a world of opportunity just waiting for her. What we used to call stubbornness was really just determination. Being apart of a team, is part of what gave her the power to stick to her values and be an example to others.When my 12 year came to me and said she was done competing soccer, we simply said ok what's next? She picked up a skateboard and said" I just want to try new things all the time". And so we did. Teaching your kids to live out their dreams doesn't always mean making it on the top competition team. I pushed a little too hard at times to have them make the best team. As parents we are the pep squad, the cheer team, the mascot, therapist and assistant coach, all rolled into one. But most of the time I should have just been mom. Encouraged, uplifted and been a shoulder to cry on. So with my last girl, having learned a few things, we simply said "hey, you'll be great at whatever you decide, we are here for you." She is now considering going back to soccer....for fun.
I guess my point in this whole article is, don't push too hard parents or take it too seriously. You may feel like you're in your own competition with the other kids on the team and even the parents. But you're not. Take a step back see the big picture. If that is their passion, then heck ya we go for it all. And sometimes a little push in the right directions is needed, but don't lose sight of the fun factor. Are they really enjoying it?
Yes it was worth being a team mom and having competitive girls. I did everything under the sun to support their passions and goals. I'm still their biggest fan. The era of being a team mom is done and life is moving forward without competitions and ribbons. But now there are celebrations of the goals they have accomplished and I get to be the cheer sections for every single one of them.
