So when each of my girls starting exhibiting signs, I didn't take any risks and I listened to my mom intuition. Every daughter of mine by the age of 12 ,as their hormones were changing, developed some form of A & D. Triggers such as stress, friends, peers, school sports, school pressures, the feeling that they just couldn't quite measure up were all factors in making it worse. And it isn't just happening in our teens, I see girls younger and younger dealing with feeling of depression. Social media is a big factor. They can't look on line without seeing what the world thinks they should look like. They can't open social media without seeing the news of wars, school shootings, suicides and bullying at an unprecedented rate.
I was a PE teacher for an elementary school in a harder area of town. Kids as early as first grade were showing signs depression, acting out, sadness, and a general feeling of not being important. It broke my heart. I was taking a child weekly if not more to the front office for help. So I took a chance on one of my sixth graders who just couldn't follow rules and I gave her task. I had her check with her teacher to have her come help me with the younger PE classes during her recess. In just a few weeks her confidence came out, she was cooperative and coming to class prepared. After two months, her friends wanted to help. Show a kid you believe in them and they will start to see their worth.
It's a sad reality that girls who are struggling emotionally seem to also be targets for bullying and victims of mean girls. And its not just girls their own age, I've seen a teacher demean a child in front of a classroom. I've witnessed trusted adults leave a teenager feeling like they don't belong. We need solutions to help our kids learn problem solving skills. Or they will contunue to skip the resolution part of a problem and go right to the extreme. So what as parents are we to do? What can we do? Here are my top ten tips.
1. Take your child seriously. If they are down and not enjoying what they normally enjoy its time to start asking questions and get advice. Keep communication open. Talk and talk some more.
2. Get help. Find a therapist early on. They will make the decisions with you on the best course of action. It may be as simple as opening communication or it may be the need for medication.
3. Follow your GUT! I cannot count the times my mom intuition kicked in and I have been right 100% of the time. You know your child, trust it. If you think something just doesn't feel right, don't ignore it.
4. If bullying is happening in your school and they won't take action, you take action. There is always someone higher up in the chain. If you know of another child that is suicidal please contact a professional or the school counselor. They have the resources needed.
5. Do not be afraid to give your child a break. You have options. I have homeschooled part time for two of my girls. They did main classes at school and the rest at home. Especially Jr High, you can go to your school district for a exemption form. You are in control.
6. Your child may not make any sense to you, welcome to hormones. But it is so important that they know you love them no matter what. That what they are saying is important and you are listening. They want to know someone has their back and they have a safe place to express themselves without always getting a lecture.
7. Find a support system. Family and friends are wonderful resources, don't do it alone. If your child doesn't want to talk to you, have them give you a name of adult they will talk to and set up the support. Make sure it's an adult. Mom's and dad's you need the support too.
8. Its ok to have access to your child's media accounts. You are not breaking some code of trust. They are in your home, and you need to know what is on that phone. Did you know Instagram has added a video recording option that will delete after someone watches it just once? Know what is on your kids phone!
9. Keep them safe. Be it from themselves or from others influences. Have numbers for help lines close by. Know their friends and their parents.
10. Keep them busy. Find what they like to do, and maybe find a new hobby. I have found that discovering things they would like to learn how to do, is very therapeutic. Finding a new talent can be so fun.
There are things you don't want to know happening in our schools. I hear it all the time, "not my kid". And it may not be your kid, but I bet they have heard and seen it all. Pornography, openly talking about sex, bullying, fights, inappropriate pictures going around the social network. Its all out there. There is a general opinion that if you don't accept all things, relationships in any form, anything and everything, then you are judgmental. So our young kids are learning at a early age to not have boundaries. At the very least open a conversation, ask questions. You want to know what they know.
They are children until they turn 18 and leave my home. I have pulled the mom card more than once, I have called schools and parents when I am concerned about other children. I have taken smart phones away and replaced it with a flip phone that takes 3 minutes to even type a text. Your first and foremost concern is their safety. I will do everything in my power to keep them safe. Depression and anxiety are real, and I take it very seriously.
On the bright side my older girls headed out of the dark teen years and developed into remarkable women. They can recognize when they are feeling depressed and anxious and will still come to me for help. It may be a life long struggle but they have the tools to cope. It took taking my blinders off and pushing for help. I'm not a doctor. But I am a mom who has been helping my girls through this for the last 10 years. I hope my experiences will help you when you are at a loss for what to do next.
*Note this article is expressly my opinions. I am not a doctor please seek the proper medical advice if you have concerns about anxiety and depression.
