Was It Worth It? Being a Sports Team Mom

 It won't be long before my girls are all grown up and Im in the group of empty nesters. I raised a gymnast, a cheerleader,  dancer, writer, artist, soccer player, skater and a rock climber. But I didn't just raise a talent, we raised daughters with integrity and values. It wasn't without sacrifice. I often see questions on social media asking for advice about putting their child in a competitive sport. Will it be hard?, is it expensive?, is it a lot of time?, will the other siblings get jealous?,  is there a lot of drama?, is it worth it?  The answer to all those questions is a resounding YES.

I think about the 12 hour dance dance days, waiting in the car for 5 hour practices, soccer camps, team competitions and a million other things we did for our girls. There we tears about early morning practices, girl drama, coach drama not to mention the mama drama.  We paid out enough in team fees to pay for a vacation home in the Bahamas. We sacrificed vacations, new cars, and sometimes broke the budget to make sure they had every opportunity they had worked for.  We question all the time if we were doing it "the right way", Did we push too hard? or not enough?

There were injuries serious enough to question the future of when to call it quits. I could tell you stories about dance teacher antics, and mean girl stunts that would make your stomach turn.  Team sports is not for the faint of heart.  You do it for the love of what you do and focus on that. There is rejection, being told you're not good enough and that your hair is just not the right color for a part. True story. So why did we keep going?  Because their passion was their dream and you could see it every time they stepped out onto the stage or the field.

It wasn't about the money spent, it was about the values they learned.  There were so many times I wanted to stomp in and tell a coach my opinions. I wanted to yell about the favoritism, the unrealistic expectations of a 30 hours practice week or the mean girls that were relentless. But I didn't.  Most of the time my girls took on the responsibility to work it out themselves.  A quality in youth that is hard to teach these days when its so easier to deal with problems on a device and not face to face.  As hard as it was to let them handle it on their own,  it taught them to take responsibility.

They learned time management, goal setting, personal responsibility, working as a team, fighting for dreams and making new ones.  They learned to always get back up, that getting knocked down was not a bad thing, it was a challenge to do better the next time.  Rejection was bound to happen, don't take it personal, and try again.  I used to try to make excuses when one of my daughters didn't get a part or make an audition.  Till I noticed I was way more upset then they were. They had learned the art of learning from rejection.  A lesson they taught me.

The best thing about helping my girls do what they love was the joy in the journey. That's right don't forget to have fun. Its not always about the win. Sure it feels great to be the best of the best, but the journey will be lost if the focus is always on the end goal.

I had big plans when I saw the talent in each of my girls. I could see it as it all played out in my mind.  College cheer, professional dancer, published writer, high school soccer .....but it didn't at all happen the way I had imagined.  At first I felt like I had let them down somewhere, maybe I didn't help them see the big picture enough but Ive come to realize I just didn't stand back far enough.

Today I watched my 17 year old daughter  as she ran into a previous dance teacher.  He asked what she was up to these days.  My first instinct was a bit of sadness because she's not dancing as much as she did and I have mourned  the loss of what I thought her future might look like.  Until she told me what her answer was.  "I moved on",  she told him.  She proceeded to go on about graduating high school early, plans for college and after 14 years of dancing her heart out, she is now a teacher herself.  Somewhere along the way I got caught up in the fame of it.  Thinking we had to be signed with the top talent agency, goals to audition in LA,  meet all the right people and be in all the right places.  But today, I stood back a little further, and to my great joy I see a girl about to be a woman and a mentor herself.  She can do whatever she wants to, reach for as many stars as she can and is sharing her talent.  I couldn't be more proud.

My cheerleader, now 21, she did continue to cheer in college. She's married now and one of  top art students in her class.  That 12 year old little girl that couldn't get her homework from her desk to her backpack, has a world of opportunity just waiting for her. What we used to call stubbornness was really just determination.  Being apart of a team, is part of what gave her the power to stick to her values and be an example to others.

When my 12 year came to me and said she was done competing soccer,  we simply said ok what's next?  She picked up a skateboard and said" I just want to try new things all the time".  And so we did.  Teaching your kids to live out their dreams doesn't always mean making it on the top competition team.  I pushed a little too hard at times to have them make the best team.  As parents we are the pep squad, the cheer team, the mascot, therapist and assistant coach,  all rolled into one. But most of the time I should have just been mom.  Encouraged, uplifted and been a shoulder to cry on.  So with my last girl, having learned a few things, we simply said "hey, you'll be great at whatever you decide, we are here for you."  She is now considering going back to soccer....for fun.

I guess my point in this whole article is, don't push too hard parents or take it too seriously. You may feel like you're in your own competition with the other kids on the team and even the parents. But you're not. Take a step back see the big picture. If that is their passion, then heck ya we go for it all. And sometimes a little push in the right directions is needed, but don't lose sight of the fun factor. Are they really enjoying it?

Yes it was worth being a team mom and having competitive girls. I did everything under the sun to support their passions and goals. I'm still their biggest fan.  The era of being a team mom is done and life is moving forward without competitions and ribbons.  But now there are celebrations of the goals they have accomplished and I get to be the cheer sections for every single one of them.

Stephenson Christmas Letter 2020

This is our second year in St George. I look back at this year and feel so much gratitude. With all the chaos happening in the world today, I realize we are so blessed to have found this unique oasis to live our lives mostly normal. It has not been without its ups and downs but we are happy. What an amazing thing that is to be able to say. 

What will we as a family remember from 2020? I took a trip to Hawaii with one of my best friends, we actually came back the first few days everything shut down.  Which means we were not prepared for the toilet paper shortage! But we had so much fun and I’m so glad we were able to have this amazing vacation on one of the last weeks people were traveling. 

My secretary job at the resort ended in April as many resorts closed down. But then my job working for a paddle board company took over for the rest of the summer. If you could describe the perfect job for me, this is it. I’m the Marketing Manager for Dig Paddlesports. Not only do I do their social media, I plan and run the events, teach SUP Pilates, instruct beginner paddle board clinics and basically live on the lake until October. I work for the best owners, work with a stellar group of teens and can’t wait for spring. 

Gyms kept going here so I have also been blessed to keep teaching fitness classes. When gyms were at a lower capacity I taught classes on zoom or outdoors. My MS for the most part has been so much better here with all the sunshine I get. I just went through a big relapse but I’m on the uphill of the battle. 

Our only big family trip was Yellowstone cabin again this year. This time with my sister in law Angie, Joe and kids. My MS kicked in with the elevation but we made the best of it. Unfortunately that also means it was probably our last year. I'm really pushin for a beach house vacation. We have created some great memories over the years at the cabin. 

Eric has been busy as ever. He was already working from home so the adjustment to keep working from home wasn’t a big one. The trips to Salt Lake for court have cut way down, so he’s not traveling as much. He bought his dream SUV that could carry his Kayak and all our gear. Then I decided it really needs to be mine since I drive more. He still calls it “his” car.  It’s fine. 

Reagan and Anthony live in Albuquerque, NM. Reagan is coaching gymnastics and Anthony is busy with his art. We were so happy Reagan and Anthony could come to St George for Father’s Day. It had been nearly a year since we were able to see them and have all the girls together. I definitely don’t like having our kids so spread out. Reagan and Anthony are also the proud dog parents of Clemantine. 

Nicki moved home this past March. We love having Nicole here. She works from home with her art work and is a full time big sister. She’s such a huge help to me picking up Ava from school and running half my errands while I work a busy schedule. All my kids have this quick witted humor, they keep laughing all the time. Nicole is funny, I mean really funny and with a heart of gold. 

Madison is in Salt Lake with her boyfriend, John. She got baptized by fire into adulthood. Between the earthquakes and working at a hospital during Covid, she really has had a lot for an 18 year old. Madison is still teaching dance and doing online college classes.  

Ava is a Junior in High School. She loves photography and sports. After many years of knee pain, she finally had surgery to fix all her knee issues. I’ve missed my hiking partner and hope we are in full hiking mode by spring. We hate to admit it but we are that family that watches the Bachelor/Bachelorette together.  We hope its educational for all things NOT to do dating. Or we are the worst parents ever. Ava keeps us on our toes. Something about the last kid that makes you want to enjoy every little moment and not take time for granite. 

We hope this holiday season brings you peace. Our hearts and prayers have gone out to those suffering with poor health, loss of jobs and isolation. I pray the love of Christ will be the guiding influence and light as we head into a new year.  We wish you a Merry Christmas

Love, 

The Stphenson’s

Staying Motivated to Workout On Your Own

If you have a love of the gym and fitness classes like I do, then suddenly not going to the gym was a shock to the system.  I live for teaching my group fitness classes.  I feed off their contagious energy and get an instant boost of happiness.  I've described before what it's like to stand in front of class,  the first beat of the first song hits and I get a front row seat to an entire group of smiles.  I was less than motivated at first to workout on my own.  But then I decided to still make me a priority.

We're in the middle of what seems to be a health crisis of the entire planet and confined to stay in our homes as much as possible.  And while you want to follow all guidelines for staying home,  part of you panicked a bit not getting your gym fix.  Especially when you not only rely on it for your physical health but your mental health as well.

I shed a few tears the last day of class before the gym locked their doors for next several weeks or months.  I went home feeling at a loss for how I was going to fill my time without my normal schedule.  Then the big question hit me, how was I going to stay motivated myself and not just binge watch Netflix? 

Here are my top tips for staying motivated.

1.  Join a challenge or fitness group on FB or Instagram. 

2. Find your favorite online workouts and do what you can, when you can. 

3.  Start sharing your own tips you've learned from your fitness journey, people want to hear what has worked for you personally.

4. Set a realistic goal.  Even thirty minutes a day and prioritize it.

5.  Involve the kids.  I've seen some of the best workout with kids and teens joining in.

6.  Take it outdoors!  Walk, run, hike it and bike it!  Oh and those cute fur babies need out too.

7.  Brush up on technique.  With all the videos being posted right now its a great opportunity to brush up on form.

It's been a few weeks now of teaching my fitness classes on line.  I kinda love it.  Connecting with more people from all over  the US has been amazing.  In return I also get to take classes that I normally would not be able to attend.  Make no mistake I will be the first one to push through those gym doors when they open back up,  gloved and masked if necessary.  But for now I'm embracing the change and developing as instructor.  I believe this time to reflect on how we do fitness will open doors we had not previously thought about.  Stay healthy and safe my friends.

Making New Girlfriends As An Adult

So you've moved, you're in a new place and everything is different. For a while you stay busy getting the house in order, getting kids settled in their new school, and maybe you've even started a new job. But at some point, you start to miss your girlfriends. You miss your Tuesday lunch dates and just being able to drop by to catch up. It feels like you've lost your safety net, and in all reality you did.

We know what we would tell our kids when it comes to making new friends. "Don't be shy, introduce yourself, invite kids over, go to school activities"....the list goes on.  But what do you do when you're an adult ? We can't go to the high school football game and hope to run into some people, oh no we are middle aged woman who's highlight of the night is probably a trip to Target and buying a new sweatshirt.  So we gotta make a real effort to meet people. 

It's actually more of a shock to the system than you think to suddenly be without the ones you are used to having around.  Women need their girlfriends.  Meeting new people is out of my comfort zone, but then one day you may find yourself talking to the cashier at Swig for 20 minutes about what you're making for dinner and think to yourself maybe you need to get out more.  

Every day for weeks when I dropped my daughter off at her new school , I encouraged her to make new friends, told her how amazing she is and how lucky these kids will be to know her. "Remember who you are, be a good example, I love you....."  Oh yes I yelled it every day as she got out of the car in hope it will make her smile.  It broke my heart to see her miss her old friends and try every day to make new ones.  I knew what she was feeling and I couldn't fix it.  It wasn't easy but she was going for it , so I had to try myself.   

Now if you think clicks at school are hard to break into, try being in a small community of women who have clearly been life long friends. It starts to feel like 10th grage and you just want to be invited to sit at their table. "On Wednesday's we wear pink." > Mean Girls Thankfully some woman have that natural ability to reach out and include the new girl.  

So where do you find a group of 30 to 40 year old women to hang out with?  Costco seems like a happenin place.  Maybe somewhere between the produce and the large box of brownie mix I can stir up a conversation.  I was ready to post in the local Facebook community page. " Looking for group of middle age women to hang out with. Requirements, no partiers, but aren't boring,  are not crazy but fun and adventurous,  like to jog but not marathon speed, dinner and movie are great but I'm in bed by 9.... Anyone interested please comment below." 

My husband didn't know what to do with me, I sulked for weeks. He was great about spending time with me, going on hikes and exploring our new town, but you could watch his eyes roll back in his head when I started to talk about things that only the gals would think is funny.  Like the unexpected breast exam during a routine doctor visit for prescription refills.  Still not sure that was necessary.  And he didn't think shopping and going out for my favorite soda mix was fun at all.  I needed girlfriends.  

So here are a few tips that I have either gathered or tried myself. 

1. Put yourself out there.  Be willing to say "Im new" and introduce yourself.  Chances are there's someone in that crowd that's new too.  Not everyone you meet will "click" that's ok. You will find your people.  And don't let age be a factor. 

2. Find a group with similar interests.  Social media  has several meet up groups for outdoor adventures, senior groups, play groups etc.  Just put a search for your town in Facebook or the web and it should pop up.  Or create a group and start inviting others.  There's even an app for it. 

3. Church. Whatever denomination it is, its a large group of people gathering. This increases your chances quite a bit.  But don't expect everyone to jump to introduce themselves.  Again it's 50% you speaking up.

4. The Gym! Well of course I'd mention the gym, being a fitness instructor is my job.  When I moved here I din't automatically have a bunch of classes to teach so I attended as many classes I could.  A rare treat for me.  But that is where I met some of my closest friends that I have now.  Common interest. 

5. Your kids friends parents.  You're new so if your kid is going to someones house to hang out, of course you are meeting the mom right? This could be an opportunity.  Or at the very least you find out the mom is crazy and you've saved your child from future visits.  (true story) Or its an opportunity to chat it up and your kids are the perfect common ground. 

6. Invite gals to lunch and pedicure. You don't need to be best friends to have a great time.  Laughter really is the best medicine and certainly curbs the lonely days. 

7. Volunteer.  If you find yourself with extra time on your hands, find somewhere to volunteer.  Even just one day a week. 

8. Work friends are easier to make, you see them the most. Just be careful it doesn't interfere with work.  

9. Dog parks. Take Fido for an outing and start up a conversation.  I have to believe that most people are not stalkers and murderers on the side and it's ok to meet a friendly face.   You can run their license plates later if you want. 

10. Host a game night.  Get the significant others involved.  While I know my husband may say he doesn't need friends like somehow its not manly, he had a great time getting out.  

And if all else fails just post on social media that you're ready to join that latest MLM group and you will have 1.552 instant new friends. They will message you every day, call you, take you to lunch all for the price of $$$ (Sarcasm intended)

I get it, friend dating for some of us can be so far out of our comfort zone.  I wanted to stay on my patio couch, cry into the pillows for eternity and assume my dogs would be my only friends.  But then something changed.  It just took that one person to invite me over for lunch. And then we kept adding women to the group.  The great thing is, you're only new once and then you get to be that person that sees the new girl and you will know exactly what to do.  

Remember when you move, especially a big move to a new town, that it takes about a year to feel like its home.  It's ok to miss your friends, close friends will always find a way to connect.  I've moved over 25 times in my lifetime, so I feel like I can give some advice on the topic.  But if you have anything to add, I'd love to hear it.  

On a side note, this doesn't have to just apply to being new in town. All great tips for making friends period.  There are too many women struggling with depression and feelings of loneliness. Please reach out, join in, we can make the difference.  Go team sisterhood.