Everything Is Not Alright

Post after post I see comments on being real. #bereal Ladies putting themselves out there to let their friends know they aren't ok. I love that, there needs to be more real. But oh my, what if I posted what my day really looked like? I still can't bring myself  to do that one. I keep thinking about how much energy it takes to appear happy when you aren't. The strength it takes some days to make yourself go to work or take care of the kids. The past few months have been filled with loss and tragedy, the struggle to teach a fitness class and put on that instructor smile was almost more than I could bare. So why couldn't I just give myself a break? A freakin break from comparing myself to another, permission to grieve, a day to be sad, a day to let the house go, a day to not expect more than I could give...why can't I let go?

I'm guessing it's fear and time. First who has time to let themselves go? But mostly fear of what others will think, fear of showing emotion, fear of letting yourself unravel, fear of being vulnerable, and maybe even the fear of being less. We tend to put up our shields to protect ourselves. Women these days seem to have to be everything for everyone. Its not enough to do your best, you feel the ever growing pressure to be the "do it all" woman. Strong, confident, passionate, kind, humble, fit, and the list goes on. None are bad qualities but before social media we gave ourselves days to be less than perfect and no one even knew. I was a train wreck during my teen years, thank heavens I don't have pictures floating out on the Cloud. So grateful I was a teen pre Facebook! Social Media has a way of making us try to live up to that perfect life, having that perfect family picture, wishing we had the money for that amazing vacation, and what about that perfect husband Sally wrote about today? Ahh they're soulmates who never fight....gag. You find yourself dreaming of a better life. Which doesn't help you manage your own struggles any better. I find myself embarrassed. That's right, embarrassed. In last 5 years we have lost our main income, had to sell our home, found out I have MS, I'm living in a rental I don't even invite my friends into for various reasons, my kids aren't getting straight A's and earning scholarships, and I pray every month to just be able to pay our bills. That's not even half of it. I'm tired of bad news, losing loved ones, and seeing the hurt in my child's eyes. If I was the bigger person I would turn that all around to say we are stronger because of our trials, and we are learning to live on faith and rice. But for once I think I would like to say everything is not alright. As a matter of fact it kinda sucks right now. 

Yes I'll get through it, yes I'm sure I will learn some life altering lesson. But on the way I'm going to be a little angry from time to time. A little resentful mixed with a bit of why me? So today, on National Girl Day, this is my "be real" post.  Because tomorrow will be National Let Yourself Go Day. (I made that up, don't Google it.) That's right a messy hair, maybe no shower( totally up to you), cry if you want to, let the house go, leave the dishes in the sink, watch a movie in the middle of the day, ooh be late, whatever it is I hope you will share your less than perfect day.

Its Ok that everything is not alright. You are enough, whether you have had one bad day or a bad year. The older I get the more I realize there's just no room for judging others. I am surrounded by strong, amazing women who I admire. Not because they do it all but because they don't pretend to. Being real is being strong.





*Model Alyssa Caldwell